Beyond and Back

I was fully awake when my heart stopped beating and my last breath passed my lips.

In the Spring of 2003, a genetic time bomb went off and my body’s time came to an end. The moment of death was upon me at age fifty-three and I found it a curious thing indeed. People around me grew quite excited but an untroubled calm came over me, carrying me further and further away from the scene, as if moving me to an invisible but familiar place just sideways to where my body lay. The sirens of the ambulance were soft and melodic, the questions of the emergency room doctors sounded like a different language.

Minutes after they placed me on the emergency room table and fit an oxygen mask over my face, I felt my heart stop beating and I sighed my last breath. There was the briefest pause while my conscious personality puzzled that I did not gasp for breath nor seem concerned that my body had just died — and then it was suddenly cradled in my higher soul and I was catapulted, for that is the only word for it, catapulted, wide awake, out of my body and into the Sphere of Universal Communion.

My whole life, it turned out, had been practice for the moment of dying: my higher soul stepped forward, speaking reassuringly about how it had been through this so many times before. While my lower soul, this lifetime’s personality, went mute in the face of the vast Unknown, my higher soul catapulted into It with one last sigh of joy and gratitude: What a glorious Creation!

I was fully awake when I entered the Sphere of Universal Communion.

How do I know that is it’s true name? I don’t. I’m not even sure it’s possible for it to have a single true name. But the Sphere of Universal Communion is what I saw and what I felt and it’s the only true name I can imagine, the only one I can use to describe it at all.
It appeared to me as a sphere of light, but light that is aware. Light that is awareness. Not something so much seen — since we have no physical eyes without a body — as sensed. Something like the warmth of sunlight even when your eyes are squeezed shut. But with the additional sense of someone present, close by, their attention resting on the edges of your awareness gently. An aware light that is both the substance and the medium of communion within its own spherical spaciousness. An aware light that creates and sustains the possibility of shared awareness on a universal basis.

I was fully awake when I realized I was myself a sphere of communion. A sphere of aware light. Surrounded by an infinite number of other spheres of aware light.

As I experienced it, then, the Sphere of Universal Communion is an infinite space of aware light that is occupied by all the individual spheres of aware light that ever have or ever will exist. As if it were One Mind, occupied by all the individual Ideas it ever has or ever will conceive. Or a timeless, limitless, Oversoul, occupied by all the individual souls that ever have or ever will enter the realm of time, space, and personality. As I said, I do not pretend to know what it’s true name is, but the relation between the Whole and its parts — and between parts and parts — this I can still see with diamond clarity.

What can I still see of that bodiless state?

Each of us, as an individual sphere of communion seems the embodiment of two complementary halves: Understanding and Memory. While Understanding seems the principal characteristic of the higher soul, Memory seems to be the principal characteristic of the lower soul. As I experienced it, Understanding is our individual portion of the limitless Knowledge of the One Soul, the evolving insight we possess into the Way of the One, our individual spark of immortality. Memory, on the other hand, is the accumulated impressions of all the lifetimes we recall, the sum of all the personalities we have yoked to our soul, our enduring storehouse of mortal treasures.

I was fully awake when I realized that whenever another sphere of aware light came into contact with me, there was an immediate and spontaneous exchange between us of our respective Memory and Understanding. This is why I say we are individual spheres of communion within the Universal Sphere of Communion. Because when we come into contact there, all that we know and all that we are passes uninhibited between us in a natural and open communion of shared being. Spheres of aware light touch and so exchange the totality of their experience and assimilate one another’s experience into their own.

I was fully awake when all the individual spheres of communion came into contact with one another at the same time, breaking through every dam of individuality and flooding us all in the totality of our shared being. This is why I suspect its name is the Sphere of Universal Communion–because when all the individual spheres of aware light periodically come into contact at the same time, every individual awareness that ever has or ever will exist is spontaneously and immediately At-One with the One. I cannot say what it is that periodically draws all of us together at the same time but, cause aside, its effect is the complete and overwhelming experience of every drop of awareness in the ocean suddenly merging into the single sea of awareness.

My body was dead for two minutes but for me, the time passed as if it were many years.

Other individual spheres of aware light, many of great depth of Understanding with the Memory of thousands of lifetimes, generously taught me lessons to bring back and make use of in this lifetime. Such, it seems, is the loving-kindness of our collective ancestors, who care so deeply that this era of transformation is one of metamorphosis and not one of atrophy.

There is one last thing I have come to believe since returning to this realm of the body and its five senses–

Although it is much more difficult to perceive here than in the Sphere of Universal Communion, we are no less individual spheres of communion here than we are there. Once I had experienced what it feels like to recognize myself as a sphere of aware light in the bodiless state, I found I had become sensitive enough to perceive myself as that same sphere of communion here with a body. And sensitive enough to recognize that everyone else is a similar sphere of aware light, as well.

Moreover, although it is more difficult to perceive the spontaneous and immediate exchange of Understanding and Memory that occurs when we individual spheres of communion come into contacthere, I believe it occurs nonetheless, even if not in our conscious awareness.

So what I have come to believe moving from life to death and back again is this: just as learning to live is actually preparing to die, it seems clear that preparing to die is actually learning to live.

It’s been nearly eight years since I died and I have been reticent to speak about it too soon, for fear of coloring my account with the profound emotions of the experience. As with so many others who have undergone such an experience, the depth of those emotions has moved me to dedicate the remainder of this lifetime to giving expression to the lessons I learned while outside this lifetime.

There you have it, that’s the best account I can give. It’s all still as fresh today as it was when it happened. By now it doesn’t seem strange at all to say things like, Dying is one of the most meaningful events in life. Clearly, the near-death experience has changed me, filled me with a deeper appreciation of the sacredness of everything. And I apologize ahead of time for the clumsiness of my report: Words that were invented to describe this world fail to paint a picture of that other realm.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts about this matter that is part of our common humanity.

8 Responses to Beyond and Back

  1. Leonor Ramirez says:

    Reading of your timeless awareness during those two minutes you were physically dead, was so inspiring to me because it removed the feelings of dread about that experience that are so ingrained in our minds and hearts. The shared experience of being in a communion of mind is something that must be a wonderful feeling to have. It would change the way our ignorance makes us feel separate from everyone and more self-important. I thank you for sharing this with all of us because it is a very potent antidote to the fear that has been created around death.

  2. Tamara says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, William.

    I just got back from delivering a copy o”Embrased by the Light” to a friend who lost her brother last week. I decided to do some more reading an d research into NDEs, since this has been a passion of mine since childhood. I find it so interesting and inspiring. Stories like yours give people hope and peace.

    After all the reading I have done on the subject, like most people, I still have fear of the death of my body and loved ones. I would appreciate any advice or reading you could recommend. Thank you. Have a blessed day.

    Tamara

  3. William says:

    Thank you for your note, Tamara.

    There is a book you might find interesting, entitled, “The Lost Secret of Death”. Quite informative.

    There are a number of very good websites dedicated to NDEs, some dedicated to publishing people’s reports of their experiences.

    There is also a small book of mine, entitled, “The Five Emanations”. In it, I address the issue of Soul-Thoughts and how focusing on them can align us with our sense of immortality.
    It can be found as a print book:
    http://www.amazon.com/Five-Emanations-Aligning-Modern-Ancient/dp/0615458548/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302116845&sr=1-1
    –or as an ebook:
    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007967GVY
    on amazon.

    I wish you great good fortune, Tamara——may you create the peace of mind you seek.
    William Douglas Horden

  4. Joe Cantrell says:

    William, it was delightful meeting you at lunch outside the Steamboat Inn last week. It turned out to be an unusually educational afternoon; after meeting you, we spent a couple hours at the Dynamite Hole where Lee Spencer taught us plenty.
    I wish we could have talked longer, we obviously share many perceptions and the experience of “dying,” mine, when I was 20 and came off a racing motorcycle on my head at 85 mph. Did I dream I was dead, or was I? Am I still?
    We’ll talk again.
    Peace,
    Joe

  5. Janna says:

    This was very inspirational and beautiful. Your thoughts on learning to live and preparing to die are very interesting. Thank you for your post.

  6. Sven Erik Marinus Christensen says:

    Thank You for this beautiful expression of the experience of The inner Light. I’ve never been able to express it myself; it’s such a release reading Your expression here !

  7. Dennis Emery says:

    A very beautiful description and great insight to wait and share y our experience. Thank you????

  8. Dennis Emery says:

    A very beautiful description and great insight to wait and share y our experience. Thank you????

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *